Borg Jokes

This is my collection of Borg jokes, collected from some Usenet postings and many, many signatures of Star Trek fans. Thanks to you all!

I am Pentium of Borg. Arithmetic is irrelevant. Division is futile. You WILL be approximated.

I am Forest Gump of the Borg. Futile is as futile does. Assimilation is like a box of chocolates.

We are Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. But we're not home right now, so leave a message after the tone and we'll assimilate you later... (beep)

I am Fudd of Bowg. Wesistance is wusewess. Pwepawe to be Assimiwated.

I am Rhett Butler of Borg. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn whether or not you are assimilated.

My name is Borg - James Borg - license to assimilate.

We are Visual Basic of Borg.
  If you <> "assimilated" then
    you = "assimilated"
  end if

I am C-3PO of Borg. I am capable of over six million different forms of assimilation.

I am Bashir of Borg. Prepare to be... did anyone ever tell you that you have beautiful eyes?

I am Troi of Borg. I sense that you will resist assimilation. But I suggest you not resist. It is futile.

I am Beldar of Borg. Time to assimilate mass quantities.

I am Arnold Schwartzenegger of Borg. You will be assi... uh, assim..., oh, you will be terminated!

I am Worf of Borg. No need to assimilate, I'll just crush you.

I am Julius Caesar of Borg. Veni, vidi, assimilavi.

I am Spot of Borg. You will be iguanas. Resistance is futile.

We are the Borg. Resistance = voltage / current.

I am John Lennon of Borg. Imagine all the people... assimilated.

I am Porky Pig of Borg. Prepare to be as... assa... assim... I'm taking over.

I am Duncan McBorg of the Clan McBorg. There can be only one (collective). Prepare to be decapitated.

I am Dan Quayle of Borg, You're speeling is irrellevant.

Ferengi-Borg: Insert Coin for assimilation...


I am Rambo of Borg. Resistance is the desease. We are the cure.

Borg, James Borg. Vodka martini, Gin is irrelevant.

I am McCoy of Borg. He's assimilated, Jim!

I am Kosh of Borg. You have always been assimilated.

I am Microsoft of Borg. Resistance izkx
GPF 0x5654 8820
Application RESIST.EXE has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.

I am Shakespeare 'o Borg. Thou art assimilated, my good man. Ye shall not resist, for that is futile.

I am Robocop of Borg. I wonder if I am already assimilated.

The Borg assimilated my race, and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.

I am Garfield of Borg. John is irrelevant, Odie is STUPID!

I am Spock of Borg. The needs of the ONE outweigh the needs of the many.

I am Butt-Head of Borg. You will be...uhhhhh... It says ASS! This is cool.

I am William Shatner of Borg... and this is... Assimilation 911!

I am Alanis of Borg. Isn't it robotic? Don't you think?

I am Piller of Borg. Consistency is futile. Continuity is irrelevant.

I am Dr. Smith of Borg. Resistance is futile, you bubble-headed booby!

I am Sinatra of Borg. Start spreading the news. We're assimilating today. You will be a part of it: the Borg, the Borg.

I am Pythagoras of Borg. Distance is irrelevant.

I am Yoda of Borg. Assimilate or do not assimilate. There is no 'try!'

I am Quark of Borg. You will be assimilated. But with the right amount of gold pressed latinum, I can overlook your resistance.

I am Cobain of Borg. Here we are now, assimilated us.

I am Deter of Borg. Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate.

I am Slartibartfast of Borg, but my name is irrelevant.

I am JFK of Borg. Ask not what the collective can do for you, but what you can do for the collective.

I am Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated, but WAIT! There's MORE!

I am Barclay of Borg. I live for a simulation!

I am Madonna of Borg: Justify my assimilation! ::pant::pant::

I am Det. Francisco of Borg. Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assassinated. Matt - "Uh... that's 'assimilate', George."

I am Shatner of Borg. *You*...Will...Be...Assimilated!

I am Captain Jellico of Borg. You will be assimilated. But first, get that fish out of my ready room.

I am Elmer Fudd of Borg. Be vewy, vewy quiet... I'm assimiwating wabbits. Heh heh heh heh heh.

I am Troi of Borg. Your chocolate will be assimilated.

I am Taz of Borg: RGGL FXZZ PTTHT!!!

I am Superman of Borg. You will be assim -- Wait a minute, I'm dead.

I am Heisenborg. You will probably be assimilated.

I am Dirty Harry of Borg. Go ahead, resist us. Make my day.

I am Telecom of Borg. Connection is irrelevant. Modem will be assim +++ NO CARRIER

I am Homer of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimmm...mmmmmm Donuts.

I am Trebek of Borg. For $200, it's futile and starts with R.

I am O'Brien of Borg. You will be assimilated as soon as I finish fixing this bloody assimilation machine...

Borgio's: The cereal you can't resist.

I am Scully of Borg. I am sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for your resistance...

I am Bill Gates of Borg. You HAVE been assimilated. You just don't know it yet.

I am Monty Python of Borg. I wish to complain about this 'ere assimilation you sold me not half an hour ago...

We are Hugh of Borg. We wish to assimilate Troi. Geordi is our friend. He can watch.

I am Marvin the Android of Borg. Assimilation, don't talk to me about assimilation. I think you ought to know I'm feeling very resisted.

I am Training Manager of Borg. Please don't forget to complete the assimilation evaluation form.

I am Darth Vader of Borg. You will be assimilated. It is your desssssstiny.

I am Han Solo of Borg. I've got a bad feeling about this assimiliation.

I am Paul McCartney of Borg. Resistance is futile -- let it be, let it be, let it be.

BorgerKing: We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.

I am Lwaxana of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated my little one.

I am Christopher Lloyd of Borg: You will be... ahhhh... be... ahhhh Great Scot! 1.21 gigawatts!

I am not a Borg, but I play one on TV. Prepare to be assimilated.

I am Wayne of Borg. - And I am Garth of Borg. Party on Wayne - Party on Garth - (Both): You will be assimilated.....NOT!

I am Khan of Borg. From hell's heart I assimilate thee...

I am Nixon of Borg. We are not assimilating you at this time. Trust me.

I am Kermit of Borg. It's not easy being assimilated.

I am Bush of Borg, read my lips: you will be assimilated.

I am Ice-T 'o 'da Borg, motherf*cker. Low and behold, your sorry ass is about to become assimilated, man! And if you think you might be able to resist, we'll tell 'ya about futility, you irrelevant sucker!

I am Joan Rivers of Borg, you will be assimilated, but first, can we talk?

I am Microsoft of Borg. The superiority of other products is irrelevant.

I am Monty Python of Borg. Nobody expects the Borg assimilation!

I am Spock of Borg. I am and will be... assmililated. A search is useless...

I am John Wayne of Borg. You will be assimilated, pilgrim.

I am Mick Jagger of Borg -- I can't get no, (pause) assimilation.

Beavis and Borghead: Assimilation like, sucks, huh-huh-huh...

I am Hamlet of Borg. You are to be, or not to be, assimilated.

I am Gurney Halleck of Borg, as an ass in the desert, go I forth to my assimilation.

(Wesley) I know. I know. Resistance is futile. But... even BARCLAY was assimilated, so why wasn't I ?

I am Stroustrup of Borg. Functional programming is irrelevant. You will be instantiated.

I am Burns of Borg. Smithers! Assimilate them!

Yoda of Borg I am. Futile is resistance. Assimilate you we will.

I am Tweeti of Borg. I tawt I attimiwated a Puddy Tat!

I am Karol Wojtila of Borg. Pater, et fili, et spiritus assimilationi. Resistancum est futilius. Amen.

I am Bud of Borg. Can I assimilate you, please just once!?

I yam Popeye o'de Borg. Preparez ta be askimiligrated.

We are Gollum of Borg, yes. We will assimilate it, precious. Its resistance will be futile. Yesss, preciousss. Gollum. Gollum.

LuxemBORG: The European Community is irrelevant.

I am Dirty Harry of Borg. This is a Borg ship. The most powerful type of starship in the galaxy. In all the excitment, I can't remember if we already assimilated you yet. So what's it gonna be, are you going to be assimilated or what? Do you feel lucky punk?

We are Pakled of Borg. We ah-sim-ah-late. We are strong.

I am Gul Madred of Borg. You will be assimilated. But first, tell me how many lights you see.

I am Scotty of Borg. We canna assimilate no more kaptin.

I am Rom of Borg. Resistance is futile. Oh... I wasn't supposed to tell you that yet!

I am Garfield of Borg. Hairballs are irrelevant...<hack>...

I am Hamlet of Borg. To be assimilated or not to be assimilated? That is the question. Whether resistence is futile or not, aye there is the rub. To be assimilated and perchance to have funny things stuck into your head or resist and encounter more superpowerful entities in future episodes.

I am Humphrey Borgart. You will be assimilated. Maybe not here. Maybe not now. This could be the start of a beautiful collective.

I am Rubik of Borg, and the cube was MY idea.

I am McCoy of Borg. I'm a Doctor, not an Assimilator...

I am Andy Rooney of Borg. Ever wonder why resistance is futile?

I am Bill of Borg. Resistance is futile. You will drop your decent OS and install mine. Stability and freedom are irrelevant. Your life, as it has been, is over. From this time forward you will service, us.

I am Alzheimer of Borg. Resistance is... is... shit. Who are you? Where am I? And why?!

Mar 19, 2002 Copyright © 2002-2011 Christoph Pfisterer